And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
