Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
