Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
