A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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