Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
