Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
