a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
