You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
