if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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