Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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