OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
