Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
