does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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