i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Boobs speak an international language.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
