He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
