he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
where does the pee come out of this thing
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
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