Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
