Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
