i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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