i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
