His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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