i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I supernannyed him into submission
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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