I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
