somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
