BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
