I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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