he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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