We won't sleep together?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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