I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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