just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
That was an excessively violent trivia night
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
