I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
