this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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