ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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