Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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