I like to think it a success when the cops are called
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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