so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
