Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
