Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
