whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
