i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
