my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
