So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
