The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
