i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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