yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
