I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
