He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
