I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
