I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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