I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
