i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
