I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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