she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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