I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
