So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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