Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
