I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
