this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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