hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
