Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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