theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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