If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
