You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
