Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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