can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize