super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
