I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
