Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
