oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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