I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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