Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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