It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
