What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
