I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
