ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
