we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
