People with herpes should wear stickers.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
