At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
