just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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