my shit smells like andre
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
