you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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