I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
