we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize