my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
