its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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