Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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