you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
don't judge my taste in strippers
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
