so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
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