Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
