Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
