I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
