...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
