i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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