I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
