i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
