I think I died a long time ago.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
