Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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