What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
