Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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