No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I am naked and annoyed.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
