That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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