It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
