Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize