Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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