Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
