his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
