I'm eating all of the evidence.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
