Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
