Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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