i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
