I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
we're so committed to being not committed
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
